What Spiritual Abuse Is … And What It Isn’t
Those of us in the ministry environment are hearing a lot about spiritual abuse, or at least more than we used to hear. It seems almost weekly there is a publicized story of a leader, typically a pastor, who has been accused of spiritual abuse, admitted to spiritual abuse or denied an allegation outright. This short post is not intended to identify every possible instance of spiritual abuse, or every possible misidentification of appropriate behavior as spiritual abuse, but only to prompt thought and self-reflection.
In my own research and thinking on this topic, The Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church, by Michael J. Kruger, has been very instructive, and I’ve recommended this work to many of my clients and colleagues. Below are some of the key points of Kruger’s discussion of this important topic, as well as a few of my own thoughts. (I do encourage reading the book!)
What is spiritual abuse?
Spiritual abuse is when a leader, including a Pastor, uses his/her position of spiritual authority (or perceived spiritual authority) to manipulate, bully or intimidate people under the leader’s authority as a means of asserting power and control.
What are some examples of spiritual abuse?
Using Biblical language or spiritual concepts to defend bad behavior by the leader or others;
Using church discipline, or the threat of church discipline, as a means of controlling others and silencing disagreement with the leader;
Using sermons, other public teaching or public prayer to directly or indirectly criticize or “target” individuals; or
Speaking cruelly or hyper-critically to others, under the guise of spiritual authority.
Is it spiritual abuse for a leader to teach about sin, point out sin or challenge the behavior of others?
Not if done in a caring and otherwise appropriate manner. If a leader teaches about Biblical standards and/or appropriately confronts individuals about choices to live outside those standards, that is not, on its own, spiritual abuse. Many would argue that this teaching and confrontation are fundamental roles of those with spiritual authority, when done in the appropriate spirit. Feelings of self-doubt, defensiveness or even hurt often result from being encouraged to repent from sin or change behaviors, and experiencing these feelings does not necessarily indicate the interaction has been abusive. If the teaching or confrontation is cruel or manipulative, or done for the leader’s own edification, it may be spiritual abuse.
What are some other common behaviors that can be misidentified as spiritual abuse?
The leader encourages involvement and service, including by teaching from Scripture or discussing the responsibilities of church membership.
The leader has an assertive personality, lacks “people skills” or leadership skills, or makes poor management decisions. This may mean the leader is sometimes hard to work with, but it does not mean he or she is spiritually abusive.