Should Your Ministry Do More Re: Dating On the Ministry Team?

I was fortunate to meet my husband when both of us were working for a Christian mercy ministry organization. I was a summer intern and Johnny had just started supporting the staff computing center. I’m not aware that our relationship caused any issues, but I have wondered if the ministry’s leadership had concerns or perhaps were keeping a closer eye on the situation than we realized at the time. Given how young we were (both college age) and how things can sometimes go sideways in relationships, it would be understandable if they did.

Whether the romance is more Rom-Com or Taylor Swift break-up anthem, there can be genuine concerns when ministry team members date one another or other people in the ministry environment.

When it comes right down to it, there are two possible outcomes for a ministry romance. The two will either (1) marry or (2) break-up, and either of those scenarios can result in distraction, conflict, and concerns of favoritism in the ministry environment. Many of us have seen (and it’s not hard to imagine) situations when a dating relationship caused unforeseen challenges for the ministry team and took focus off of the mission.

Moreover, dating relationships can unfortunately be a context for sexual misconduct, spiritual abuse, or other bad behaviors that not only harm people, but can tear an organization apart. This is a particular risk when there is a power imbalance in the relationship, such as when a pastor or other leader dates a congregant or program participant, but can occur in any relationship within the ministry environment.

For these reasons, it’s worth considering implementing or refining expectations related to dating relationships involving the ministry team, and memorializing those expectations in a dating policy that includes a notification requirement, at least for certain situations. Such a policy is not designed to discourage Biblical dating or marriage, or to violate the privacy boundaries of your team, but to proactively address possible conflicts and create a layer of accountability. This investment in setting standards and conveying expectations demonstrates care for your people and prepares leadership to respond well to any questions or concerns that later arise.